Is Hazel Retarded?
by Troumvirate
Summary: Like, oh em gee! Totes spoilers! For like, RWBY Volume 5 Chapter 12! Spoilerific! Spoiltastic! Anyway, yeah. Is Hazel retarded? Or is making stupid and brain dead decisions just normal for the people of Remnant? Like standing still talking in a fight. Or turning your back on an opponent in a fight. Or trying to summon over and over and over and over and over again.


"You'll die for what you did! Over and over again!"

Aw shit, son.

I'd like to polish that thick, black, booty.

Hazel Reindeer or whatever was turning into Bane from Batman: the Animated Series by sticking a bunch of lightning crystals in his arms. Not gonna lie, pretty cool. As a result he hulked up like Hulk Hogan to the size of The Hulk. So wait, is he Bane or is he The Hulk? Make up your mind, Roosterteeth. This is the age old question of Marvel vs. DC. You can't have both! The drooling neckbearded fanboys will tell you as much! They are after all one of the key demographics for RWBY.

So it looks like we're about to get some cool exposition for Hazel. He seemed pretty pissed off in the preview video for the episode. And going back to all the times we've seen him before, he's a chill dude who is against killing. He even helped out Oscar that one time at the train station when he became the anime version of The Fonz.

There he stood, lightning dust embedded in his arms, and looking incredibly pissed off at Oscar. A man from Ozpin's past. A man whom he hated with all of his being.

"You're going to pay for what you did to my sister!" Hazel screamed.

Oscar, after hearing yet another one of Ozpin's monologues, stood there confused. Shannon McCormick must be raking in the cash this volume. "So wait. You're upset at Ozpin because your sister went to his school to become a huntress and died?"

A large chunk of the ground got all smashed up like a fight in Dragonball Z when Hazelnut rawr-smashed the floor. "Yes!"

"Then why did you join the side which killed your sister?"

Nutella-man paused. "What? I didn't join Ozpin!"

"No no no," Oscar said as he shook his arms wildly. "You joined Salem. And Cinder. And the people responsible for creating and controlling the Grimm. The Grimm who killed your sister."

"Yes! To kill Ozpin!"

"That makes no sense!"

"Yes it does! Ozpin is responsible for my sister's death! She was only a child! She wasn't ready to become a huntress!"

"A huntress who fights the creatures of Grimm," Oscar reminded him. "Who are the creations of Salem. The woman you work for."

Hazel grunted and tried to smash again. "You don't understand, kid. I'm doing this because Ozpin is evil! He gets people killed!"

"They get killed because they have to fight Salem!"

"I don't care! Ozpin killed my sister! And I'm going to stop him from killing anyone else's sister the only way I know how! By killing other people's sisters myself!"

"No! That makes no sense! Bad Hazel! Bad!"

So Oscar thwomped Hazel again with his cane. I don't think thwomp is an actual word to use as a describer for hitting someone. I just like Thwomps. Remember, from Mario? Those things are cool. I miss Super Mario 3. And Super Mario World. What's better, buying an old Super Nintendo system on eBay? Getting one of those new retro gaming systems off of Amazon? Or just getting a PC emulator? I don't have a controller of any kind, so even with an emulator it wouldn't exactly be free. I don't know.

Not gonna lie. I've kinda run out of ideas at this point. I'm just making this shit up as I go along. As if that's so hard to believe, right? I'm sure you've read my shit before. That one time I put in a story summary about writing while sitting on the toilet is actually true. I have done that a couple of times. I'm not doing it this time though.

So, uh, anyway. Ozpin forcibly takes control of Oscar's body at this point, which is super creepy. It really makes Rose Garden look a whole lot worse now, doesn't it? Go read that blatant Rick and Morty-inspired Rose Garden fic I did. BLATANT SELF PROMOTION!

And then Ozpin/Oscar proceeded to kick the shit out of Hazel. And to be honest, it's kind of bullshit that Oscar was holding his own against Hazel as well as he was. What a pointless and broken character he is. Not to mention useless for shipping because of the old man living in his brain who can take control of his body at any moment. Seriously. Creeptastic.

So what will happen to the big bear guy and the little kid with a man inside of him now? I don't know!

The end.


End file.
